4 Smart, Effective Ways to Shift Your Perspective on Negativity

Our perceptions of our experiences as negative can affect our lives on every level. Labeling our experiences as negative has the power to ruin relationships, decrease work performance, and increase stress levels. The good news is that you can balance your negativity bias by shifting your mindset!

Not sure where to start? Check out these smart, effective ways to shift your perception of your experiences as negative:

#1: Don’t Take It Personally A fantastic book that I always recommend to clients is Don Miguel Ruiz’s “The Four Agreements”. He lists not taking things personally as a necessary agreement to make with yourSELF. This idea is rooted in the understanding that most people act in a certain way based on their previous experiences and current circumstances. For example, perhaps someone took credit for your colleague’s work in the past, so now he doesn’t trust his team anymore. That doesn’t mean he has something against you, he simply doesn’t trust people in general. We’re all operating based on what we’ve learned from experiences, which means that how someone interacts with you is dependent on a great many factors, including their past experiences.

So, stop taking things personally. If someone is misjudging you, prove to them through your word and deed that they are wrong. Always try to be kind and authentic rather than stressing over it.

#2: Set Boundaries No matter how hard you try, you’ll never be able to please everyone, if only because what pleases us is so subjective. Couple that with demands on time and energy — friends, family, etc will always come up with new demands, and if you feel you’re unable to meet those demands it can undermine your self-esteem and keep you from focusing on your priorities.

To balance this feeling of pressure on your time and energy, you must learn to say no and set clear boundaries. If someone reacts negatively or tries to hurt you, see step 1, and go a step further by extending compassion to those pushing at your boundaries. There are reasons why we do what we do, and them feeling their needs must be met is completely human and natural.

You have the power to say no, use it.

#3: Adopt a Positive Mindset Sometimes it can be hard to be grateful for what we have when we’re dealing with an experience that’s causing us stress. However, research shows that cultivating gratitude can deepen and expand our experiences, serving as a buffer against negative thoughts.

Start with a gratitude journal and write a few things everyday that you’re grateful for. It can be as big and grand as having a child or as small as your morning cup of coffee or tea being just right. Practicing gratitude in this way reinforces positive thinking patterns and reduces negativity.

As a bonus, your positive attitude will also inspire others and strengthen your professional and personal relationships. The UnIverse has a funny way of giving us more of what we focus on, so the more you focus on being grateful for the good in your life, the more you will see opportunities arise.

#4: Find Solutions, Not Problems Our negativity bias means that we tend to focus on the problems we’re are facing at any given moment instead of actively seeking solutions. And, if we’re being one hundred percent honest, sometimes it feels good to “wallow in our sorrows”; to be sad if we’re sad or angry if we’re angry, deflecting any suggestions as to how we change or “solve” our problem. Unfortunately, this can compound already existing feelings of guilt, frustration and dissatisfaction.

The solution is that whenever you have a problem, take the steps needed to solve it. Don’t wait or hide, thinking it will go away. It might, but then again, depending on the size of the problem, it very well may not.

To do this, shift and reframe your perspective of the problem from a “problem” to a lesson, and ask yourSELF what the situation is trying to teach you. This can change it from a “problem” to a challenge, and you overcome challenges every day, now don’t you?

In conclusion, a good rule of thumb is to check your energy and see how you feel in specific circumstances or around certain people. Some people energize you while others drain you, choose to surround yourSELF as much as you can with positivity, i.e. the people, places, things and experiences that make you feel good. Build relationships with people who encourage you, support you, and cheer for you.

*Disclaimer: This article in no way acts as a substitute for clinically diagnosed depression or anxiety.

I didn’t know a survey could bring me so much sadness.

A few months ago I sent out a survey to help me understand how others perceived stress whilst I am building my business https://www.surveymonkey.co.uk/r/M79KK8C.

I was surprised by the level of response but I was even more surprised at the honesty. Having had a serious bout of stress, anxiety and panic attacks myself it was heart-warming to finally confirm that I am not on my own. I think I already realised this to some extent but we just don’t really talk about stress openly.

One question I asked in my survey was ‘Please use 3 words/sentences to describe what stress feels like for you’. 247 words came back as your descriptors.

We often talk about how stress motivates us, or we need it to do our best work, or it is what gets us out of bed in the morning. I had an expectation that there would be a mixed bag of positive and negative words used.

So what was the mix?

Out of the 247 words we used for stress, just 4 were positive or neutral, the remaining 243 were heartbreaking and painful to read. I felt each one of them.

Reading the words and being able to empathise with the feelings, it really got to me.

The survey showed 48% of respondents did not talk openly about their stress. A personal preference for some. However 45% of respondents did not talk more openly about their stress because they were worried that it would affect future opportunities, 26% because they were embarrassed, 35% because of the stigma it carried.

If we only talked about stress more, related to each other, understood that it was perfectly natural and not treat people as weak if they feel stress we may just actually reduce stress levels.

For me a big part of stress reduction is reducing the embarrassment, the stigma and the worry it creates through understanding and communication.

Stress is not a willy wanging opportunity. It does not matter if one person looks like they can take more than someone else. Stress is perfectly natural, normal and expected.

I am not going to profess to have ‘5 tips to never have stress again’, but there are things that help. Next time someone around you looks like they are stressed, hints that they are having a hard time or just having a bad day. Speak to them, take five minutes, just to see how they feel you don’t even have to try and help just listen.

Taking five minutes to listen to someone, so they don’t feel alone, weak, like they have done something wrong or that they are not good enough. This may well be enough just to calm their breathing, reduce the cortisol and adrenaline levels and bring them back to a balance that they can deal with.

I am on a mission to coach others to be proud of their stress. For the word not to be taboo, for you to celebrate that you pushed your boundaries, know your limits and deal with future spikes effectively and share your experience and knowledge with others. Contact me for more information.

Overwhelm is a Choice

Stop your overwhelm! — How’s that for pressure to add to your feelings of overwhelm?! 😉

Lots of projects to complete, lots of commitments to keep, lots of people to see — I get all that.

But “overwhelm” is a choice.

I can already hear your rebuttal:

I can’t say no to people.
Responsibilities keep piling on.
I’m a single dad.
We’re short staffed.

I totally get it.

I still think overwhelm is a choice.

I was leading a call a few weeks ago with professionals from around the country. One said: “This is what I signed up for and so I either have to be ok with the pressures and resulting overwhelm or I have to get out.” Others nodded in agreement.

I think he was wrong, but that’s the story he was telling himself and I wasn’t going to be able to convince him otherwise.

“Overwhelm” has become the new “busy.” People wear it as a badge of honor. The conversation used to be:

Question: How are you?
Answer: Busy. Work is crazy these days.

I used to do this too. I thought that my worth was valued by how busy I was. And, not just my external worth — I valued myself by this same standard.

If I was not busy, I was not doing my job.

I was wrong.

Now it’s stepped up (or down?) a notch and it’s “overwhelm.”

People don’t even have to say “overwhelm,” but they wear it all over their faces and bodies.

Last week, I was at a conference in Boston, where I saw many colleagues I’ve known for over 20 years. Though conferences can be exhausting, many looked utterly spent by day 2!

They “needed” to be at the conference and yet their office kept calling them. Constituents — or in this case congregants — were having emergencies, their spouses were back home with the kids, and they had scheduled too many meetings between conference sessions.

In fact, I had a number of meetings arranged and people did not show — with apologies later that they got caught up in some other activity. They were in overwhelm. Often with a smile on their face hiding their own pain and shame, but in overwhelm none the less.

Perhaps it’s the hiding factor which has so many falling back into overwhelm.

“If I over-busy myself, over-stress myself, overwhelm myself, I don’t have to face my own feelings.”

When we go into overwhelm we avoid our own feelings. And, when we go into overwhelm we forfeit our integrity with others — missed meetings, broken agreements, toxic behavior.

I’ll say it again, overwhelm is a choice.

People choose overwhelm to avoid feelings.

These are our leaders.
These are our leaders?
People out of touch with their own feelings?

I keep asking myself and others: How can our leaders connect with us if they are shut off from their own feelings?

And yet, time and again I’m stunned and saddened by how many cannot access and do not want to access their own feelings.

Still, you might be reading this saying: I’m in a different situation and my life truly IS overwhelming.

Quick story:

Through all the hustle and bustle of the conference last week, I ran into my friend Adam. I haven’t seen him in decades, but we spent the first year of rabbinical school together in Jerusalem and he made a lasting impression on me. We stood for probably no more than 5 minutes in the midst of a central meeting place for the conference. It was loud. People were scurrying around. We were both undoubtedly on our way to somewhere. And, we had the most intimate, vulnerable, and meaningful conversation.

Both of us have plenty on our plates. Neither of us has had “easy” lives. And, because neither of us was choosing overwhelm, we could be fully present for each other.

Choosing not to be in overwhelm does not mean we have less to do or fewer responsibilities. Instead, it’s a state of being.

First, some quick tips:

1. Set a single priority for today. The one thing you can do that will leave you feeling accomplished. This is the hardest one for me. I often want to list half a dozen more priorities. But, there can only be one priority — one thing that will make everything in life easier, be most fulfilling, or be most supportive of my integrity.

Every day, I write at the top of my notepad: “The Priority,” followed by “Other Stuff.” The other stuff is listed in order of importance.

I often find that not only do I make it a good way down the page each day, I often have things on my “other” list that don’t really need to be completed. They’re on there for nostalgic reasons perhaps.

2. Breathe. I know this sounds simplistic, but imagine the opposite. You’ll never reprogram your body to choose against overwhelm if you stop breathing!

Breathing is how we experience our feelings. It’s why we hold our breath when we don’t want to experience pain, deep sadness, or fear. Breathing opens up the passages of feeling. And, when we feel our feelings, we don’t have to hide them with overwhelm. This simple practice — breathing — allows us to connect in meaningful ways with others.

3. Stop saying yes to everything and everybody. We’re not doing anyone a favor by spreading ourselves so thin. Build up your “no” muscle

4. Celebrate completion. I’m the worst at this. I finish a project and move quickly on to the next. It’s taken a lot of retraining to celebrate the moment and recognize even the smallest accomplishments along my path.

Once these four steps are in place, we might still feel overwhelmed. If so, it’s time to ask ourselves: What feelings am I avoiding? How is overwhelm serving me at this moment? What would my day look like if I chose not to be in overwhelm?

We still might need to do the same number of tasks for the day and keep the same commitments and have the same responsibilities. Yet, asking ourselves these simple questions can often reframe our state of being.

It’s the middle of December and this is prime time for overwhelm — it’s palpable at work and in the grocery store, on the roads and even at home.

But, it doesn’t have to be this way.

Pick a priority, breathe, say no, and celebrate completion

And, choose a path that is healthy, enriching and connecting.

You deserve to make this choice.

Your family, friends, staff, congregants need you to make this choice too.

No pressure.

You Know That Comfort Zone Of Yours?Well…

Photo by Jenna Christina on Unsplash

Oh boy, I’m not sure whether I’m excited to share this with you or dreading telling you. Oh well, here goes…

I was out walking in the Brecon Beacons (definitely somewhere to visit if you’re into jaw dropping views), enjoying the mild autumn day and thinking about life and other cool things. Suddenly, out of the blue, and I’ve no idea why but the thought came to me that …

There is no such thing as a comfort zone.

Think about it for a moment, it’s not an actual, physical thing is it, although it may actually feel and look in your mind something like the image of the bed and duvet I used at the top of this post.

As a coach I used to write and talk to clients about the magic happening outside our comfort zones. Right?

Those inspirational quotes about stepping out of your comfort zone, because that’s where the juice in life lies, are all over Facebook and Instagram aren’t they? You’ve just got to google comfort zone images and there’s a ton of stuff there. I’ve just done it, yeah, there are tons of images.

Here’s the good news….there’s no such thing. And, here’s the even better news (or perhaps you’ll see it as the bad news) there’s nothing stopping you from leaving it (because it doesn’t exist).

You see, a comfort zone is simply a thought.

In that moment I saw that my comfort zone is something I’ve created in my thinking and then my consciousness (as I described in I didn’t realise I could ignore my thinking) gets to work and brings it into being as if it’s real. Except that it’s not real. I made it up.

So, if that’s the case then (and let’s have some fun here), we can’t move out of our comfort zone because that would be impossible seeing as there’s no comfort zone to move out of in the first place. Are you still with me?

Seeing this literally stopped me in my tracks. One of those face palm emoji moments.

And then as if the door into that part of my mind had been flung open this is what I realised I’d also made up my entire life. It’s all thought damn it!

Writer’s block is thought

Procrastination is thought

Earning x a month means I’m successful is thought

Performance anxiety in anything is thought

Being good enough, clever enough, witty enough is thought

I’m the kind of person who… is thought

That I have to wait for the right conditions to begin (anything) is thought

Self sabotage is a thought

Pretty mind blowing, humbling and freeing to see through the illusion I’d created.

Okay, so what does a comfort zone really mean then? What thoughts created it as something kind of safe and kind of unsatisfying, some place we really shouldn’t hang out in, and yet it feels good-ish?

I think the answer lies in the fact that we fear discomfort and therefore created some semi-safe hiding place.

The solution then for me is about becoming comfortable with feeling uncomfortable, being okay with feeling insecure. And here’s the thing, a reminder that our feelings can’t hurt us, they are only ever reminding us that our thinking is off base.

I can now remind myself that there’s nothing wrong with these feelings and like thought they’re temporary. And it’s kind of sad to avoid doing something that we really want to do when all we did was take our thinking seriously.

So, off the top of my head here are some examples of going with the discomfort.

Telling someone you love them when you’ve no idea how they’ll respond

Applying for a job you really want even though you feel it’s a massive step up

Travelling to your best friend’s wedding even though you’re scared of flying

Volunteering to give a talk about a subject close to your heart despite your fear of public speaking

Writing that cookery book even though you’ve no idea how

Pursuing your passionate hobby without any idea how you can make a living from it

Look how much life opens up to us when we don’t take our thinking seriously!

The life of a life coach

It’s 9:14 am on a Wednesday. I’m looking out the giant window of my office, (a coffee shop in Los Feliz). The rain just stopped and I worry about all the people in Los Angeles who are panicking right now and turning into Gremlins because they got wet. I take my first sip of my nearly six dollar coffee (how do people live these days?!) as I gather my thoughts about what I want to blog about. I take a deep breath and check in with myself, something I do before I punch any keys. What I write needs to feel like it’s coming from an honest place or I feel like a fraud. I feel gross. Yes, I get paid to write so I don’t always have that luxury but when I blog, I still blog for me first. If I don’t, it will show in the writing. So it’s for me but it’s also for you.

I’m turning forty six next month. In Korean years, I’ll actually be forty seven. They count the time you’re in the womb. Thank God I live in America. Anyway, I’ve been replaying my life a lot like a little stick figure in an animated flip book. Divorce. Non-profit. Doing burpees. If you read me, you know the story.

I’ve been life coaching for roughly a decade now and I’ve learned so many things. About life, love, how to help others, using social media as a tool, building an audience, documenting your story. All the things. And I want to share with you what a life coach does. What being a life coach looks like. At least for me. I believe it’s different for everyone. But first, I want to start with this sentence: Life coaching isn’t what you think it is. Before I explain, let me briefly tell you how it all started (skip this part if you already know).

I never set out to be a life coach. Ten years ago, life coaching wasn’t even really a thing. The only real life coach was Tony Robbins. There were business coaches but not life coaches. There was no such thing as a mindfulness coach. A break up coach. An empowerment coach. There were only therapists and I was on my way to becoming one when I started a little blog on Tumblr titled, The Angry Therapist. I was going through a divorce, at a very dark time in my life, and needed a place to vent and express “My Fucking Feelings”, which was my very first post. I didn’t know this at the time but I basically humanized myself by practicing transparency. Pulled the curtain back. Showed myself which therapists aren’t really supposed to do. Followers turned into questions and questions turned into sessions. I couldn’t afford an office so I called myself a life coach to avoid the strict rules from the therapy board and started coaching.

I saw clients all over town. Met people in coffee shops, on hikes, walked around the reservoir in Silverlake. Meanwhile, I kept blogging and documentary my story. As social media grew, “documenting” expanded to videos, Facebook Lives, podcasting, and what I call micro blogging on Instagram. It actually turned into a full time job as something called an “influencer” was born and here’s the part where I talk about life as a life coach.

Life coaching isn’t just about one on one sessions anymore.

I believe life coaching is about living a certain way. A way that feels honest to you. Then documenting that life, creating a dialogue about your life revelations, and sharing them with the world. By doing so, products naturally start to emerge.

In my case, the products that have emerged so far are –

  • one on one life coaching sessions (both on and offline)
  • group work (both on and offline)
  • co-founder of a life coaching intensive where we certify life coaches (start up)
  • retreats (my own as well as being hired)
  • audio courses
  • two published books
  • a podcast
  • sponsorships
  • and a little documentary I’m currently editing.

These are all products that have emerged from me living my life in a way that’s honest to me and sharing my story. And these products will evolve and grow or dissolve as more products continue to emerge. As I continue to “life coach” by documentary and creating a dialogue.

So life coaching isn’t just about creating a practice of one on one sessions. If that’s what you want, great. But it can be so much more than that. As the art of coaching grows and evolves, the way we help others will grow and evolve. It can be anything you want it to be and what you haven’t even thought about yet because it’s all growing at such a rapid pace due to the internet and explosion of wellness.

So then what does a life coach actually do?

Fuck if I know.

I can tell you what I do.

I get up every day and I document. Full time. I produce content — blog, videos, podcasts. I also run retreats. I also do one on one sessions online and in person in coffee shops. I also teach for our life coaching intensive on the weekend. I also make tee shirts and create audio courses. I also write books. I also try to do back flips. I also climb rocks.

I continue to live my life and document my journey, hoping it will help others. That’s my life. That’s what I do. I do it every day and some days it’s challenging and I wonder if I’m even making a dent and if this is even a real job. And other days, I feel like I won the lottery because I’m living a life that’s fueled with passion and purpose and that’s honest to me. I make my own hours, don’t have to wear pants, or punch a clock.

Life coaching is about living and sharing your story. It’s about being a Catalyst and sometimes it’s not up to you on how that’s going to unfold. My recent video went viral. It’s at over a million views, the most I’ve ever had on a video. It’s just me scared shitless as I climb a rock on a man date. That’s it. No dialogue or tips about self betterment. Just a terrified Korean climbing a rock and doing the splits over a cold river. Is that going to help anyone? I have no idea. That’s not my concern. It’s not up to me what someone takes from my story.

Life coaching may be one on one coaching, in a group setting, blogs articles and books, or life tips on your IGTV videos. Life coaching may be a secret group you create on or offline. Or running a booth at South By Southwest giving away free life coaching sessions (JRNI will be there this weekend)! Or maybe life coaching will be done through holograms in the near future. I don’t know. And it doesn’t matter.

What matters is what a supervisor once told me –

“You’re going to be a point in someone’s life.

Just be a bright one.”

  • Angry

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Our Catalyst Life Coaching Intensive

What Makes You Happy?

There’s a theory about having a happy life that goes something like this: When a person identifies at least a hundred things that make them smile automatically, life finally becomes their own. So, what would be on your list? What makes you happy?

There are four areas to start focusing on when making your “smiles” list: recreational activities, favorite pastimes, personal pleasures, and exciting projects and endeavors. Your objective is to work toward reorienting your life to spend your time doing only these things on your list. Maybe that will require big changes like changing or upgrading your job or moneymaking work. The point is to replace all the stuff that you don’t like with the stuff you love, which helps you create a wonderful, happy life.

Ready to start? Make a list of 25 activities in each of these areas of your life:

  • Recreational activities
  • Favorite pastimes
  • Personal pleasures
  • Exciting projects/endeavors

Now, reorganize them into these four categories, fully describing the event, situation, or activity to make it more real and exciting:

  • With yourself
  • With one other
  • With a group
  • Joys and big adventures with a group

Why this works: Just coming up with such a long list helps us define what we want and who we are. Learning how to select things that make us smile automatically helps us tell the difference between wants/joys/fun and shoulds/obligations/tasks.

This process may take a year or two, but you can do it. In the meantime, you have a current picture of how you are doing in each of the four areas. Use your coach or ask a friend to help you, and check the list regularly to upgrade and track your progress.

Now, can you imagine what your life would be like if you spent every waking hour only doing things on your list? Not possible, you say? Wrong. You can do it. So, who would you have to be to simply be and do the activities on your list? What commitments would you need to make? What changes would be necessary or appropriate?


Originally published at skminer.com on September 15, 2017.

O que todx coach deveria saber …

No mês de junho fiz aniversário da minha certificação em Coaching, sete anos de atuação e muitos aprendizados. Passando em retrospectiva esse trajetória que mudou bastante a minha forma de me perceber e me relacionar com a vida (os outros também estão incluídos aqui), surgiu o desejo de registrar alguns apontamentos que me relembram o quão rica foi essa caminhada, que pode inspirar outros coaches que estão iniciando nessa jornada.

1) O processo de autoconsciência e desenvolvimento acontece simultaneamente, comigo e com o coachee (cliente). O que aprendi com isso?

✓ Primeiro que eu não necessito ser a detentora de todo conhecimento para poder apoiar o processo do cliente que chega pra mim.

Sim, durante muito tempo eu tinha essa crença e, isso me fazia buscar cada vez mais cursos e livros para ampliar esse conhecimento e me sentir apta a contribuir com as demandas que chegavam, e eu queria dar conta. Muitas vezes as pessoas chegavam com questões que eu precisava trabalhar em mim… E, eu me perguntava: Como assim?! Como posso ajudar fulana com esse tema, se nem mesmo estou conseguindo trabalhar ele em mim?

No decorrer da caminhada eu estou aprendendo que:

✓ O que de melhor tenho para oferecer aos clientes que me procuram é a escuta empática, muito mais que o conhecimento. Percebo que é essa escuta que nos conecta e, conectados somos capazes de acessar um campo de sabedoria incrível.

✓ Quando eu compreendo que ambos, eu e a/o coachee, estamos num processo de autodesenvolvimento brota um respeito genuíno, não há uma relação de poder sobre. Há um respeito que fortalece ainda mais nossa conexão e potencializa o trabalho, para além do tempo cronológico do processo…

2) Nem sempre o que será trabalhado é a motivação inicial do coachee. Como eu aprendi com isso?

Durante muito tempo isso era algo que me incomodava e me fazia questionar sobre se eu tinha capacidade de fato para fazer o que me propunha a fazer. As pessoas me procuravam com uma demanda específica, às vezes nem tão específica assim, mas dentro do protocolo trabalhávamos para deixar mais clara qual era a motivação da/do cliente. No entanto, no decorrer do processo, outras questões se apresentavam, e se apresentavam com uma força, que não era possível seguir sem que as mesmas fossem observadas. Isso resultava em uma tremenda frustração da minha parte, por acreditar que não estava entregando o que o cliente veio buscar — embora o processo de autoconsciência e desenvolvimento estivesse acontecendo — eu achava que deveria ter o controle e entregar exatamente o que trouxe o cliente até a mim.

Bobinha e um tanto egoica essa perspectiva, né?! Mas, ainda bem que comecei essa reflexão dizendo que o aprendizado era uma via de mão dupla.

Aprendizado:

✓ Ficar atenta ao que tem força dentro do processo. E isso nem sempre vai corresponder a motivação inicial do coachee. E está tudo bem! O que aparece com força é justamente o que precisa ser trabalhado naquele momento. Dentro desse campo mais amplo com o qual nos conectamos existe uma sabedoria que dirige cada qual no seu tempo — kairós.

✓ O que eu ofereço não é fórmula mágica. É apoio e parceria para os movimentos de autoconsciência, desenvolvimento e manifestação​ do potencial latente em cada ser. Ufa!! Só essa percepção já me valeu anos de terapia (risos).

✓ Em alguns momentos, dependendo do que se revela como força, o coachee precisa de um tempo para digerir, integrar e deixar que isso assente dentro de si, antes de continuar… Quando se trata de trabalhar com a nossa humanidade, nem sempre um mais um é igual a dois, cabe um tanto de coisas nesse intervalo… Uma delas é o vazio — esse espaço entre o que era é o que pode vir a ser.

✓ Em alguns casos, essa continuidade não necessariamente tem que ser comigo. Pode ser que meu papel tenha sido apenas abrir o campo para tal compreensão, deixando que a mesma sabedoria que nos conectou dirija a continuidade do processo. Praticar a arte do desapego.

Isso nada tem a ver com minha competência e com o comprometimento do coachee. É apenas um tempo que também faz parte do processo. E, mesmo que não tenhamos como mensurar isso quando iniciamos o trabalho, eu posso estar atenta e sinalizar para o cliente quando essa necessidade se revelar.

O que sinto que ainda preciso aprender no próximo ciclo, a partir dessa consciência do que aprendi até aqui, é:

3) Como estabelecer uma relação de trabalho/troca dentro de um processo que não é só​ linear, e sim exponencial também?

As pessoas buscam a linearidade, o tão famoso “sair do ponto A para o ponto B”. Mas, o que observei nesses sete anos de atuação como coach foi que não necessariamente se caminha apenas para o ponto B. Pode-se precisar caminhar até o ponto F, antes de chegar no ponto B. E uma vez se caminhando até o ponto F, será que o ponto B é o ponto B mesmo? Isso não tem como se colocar nos contratos padrões…

4) Como me comunicar/atrair as pessoas que realmente estejam interessadas em mergulhar nessa aventura de autodescobertas?

Eu já compreendi que minha oferta não é para todo mundo… Existem pessoas que buscam e até mesmo necessitam de algo linear num determinado momento de suas vidas. Elas simplesmente não tem tempo para aprofundar nas questões que poderiam gerar resultados no longo prazo, pois a vida pede resultados concretos no tempo presente. E tudo bem também, é o ciclo e o tempo de cada pessoa.

Por outro lado, não quero ignorar esse potencial que descobri na minha forma de atuar — de ajudar as pessoas a saírem da visão limitada do mundo ordinário para reconhecer e perceber a sua potência que é ilimitada e extraordinária. Mesmo que, num momento seguinte, após as descobertas, a manifestação dessa potência se dê no mundo ordinário. Mas antes, a de se ter consciência.

Acredito que esse de fato é o diferencial da minha proposta de trabalho, GUIAR E APOIAR AS PESSOAS NESSA PASSAGEM DO ORDINÁRIO PARA O PRIMEIRO NÍVEL DO EXTRAORDINÁRIO. ABRINDO CAMINHOS E PORTAIS PARA A MANIFESTAÇÃO DA ESSÊNCIA.

Elza Nunnes

Se essas reflexões fizeram sentido para você, se conecta comigo e compartilha pra quem você acha que também pode se conectar. :)))

Abaixo vários caminhos para você me encontrar

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Marketing and activism are not the same thing. – Kaila Tova – Medium

Marketing and activism are not the same thing.

They can be; however, they often aren’t.

At their core, they require completely separate motivations:

Marketing is about giving individual people what they want.

Activism is about giving groups of people what they need.

Marketing is about finding the right wording to get people to buy something that fits into the cultural zeitgeist.

Activism is about finding the right wording to get people to stop buying the bullshit that is the cultural zeitgeist.

Marketing is about creating a problem for an individual to solve with your product or service.

Activism is finding a cultural problem and doing the service of helping to solve it for others.

Marketing is about influencing individuals to change.

Activism is about influencing groups of people to change.

Marketing is about you.

Activism is about them.

The end game of marketing is making money or getting influence or power.

The end game of activism is making other people money or giving them influence or power.

With some exceptions.

There is a small sub-section of the online marketing world that is slowly getting “woke,” and, in doing so, they’re losing their followings. They’re becoming activists when they meant to be marketers. They’re trying to influence cultural change by raising the voices of other people instead of raising their own #authentic voice.

This small, ragtag group of marketing activists are lost. Because as soon as they stop agreeing to compromise their values to sell an affiliate product that makes their stomach turn or use a hashtag that makes their skin crawl, as soon as they stop associating themselves with keywords and “buy now” triggers (fear, uncertainty, doubt, scarcity) they stop making money.

But they can’t go back to pure marketing because marketing has been co-opted by people who don’t have the same commitment to values — co-opted by people who have taken the language of body positivity and intersectional feminism and made it salable (Stop feeling crazy around food! All bodies are beautiful! Self-care!) to grow their lists and make a quick buck.

And activism — pure activism — doesn’t pay the bills. It does karmically, spiritually, socially. It pays by creating a society that is more fair and more free. But if you can’t pay your own bills, it’s hard to donate time and money to others.

Therein lies the whole paradox: To be an activist, you eschew immediate financial reward, but you need the money in order to be present. To be a marketer, you eschew immediate action toward change, but you need activism in order to be true to your values.

So what is a marketer-turned-activist to do?

The answer is to BE DIFFERENT.

It’s easy to follow the old models of B-School-style marketing: white privilege on display in pastel and gold script, bikinis in headstands on the beach, and minimalist photographs of smoothies and planners.

Bootstrapping and #bossbabe-ing.

It’s easy to follow old models because they’re already done for you.

But the done-for-you is done. And, more important, it doesn’t work if you want to stick to your values.

The thing is, there are too few models of marketers using activism and activists using marketing successfully. Because our main model of online business success is the one that was endorsed by Oprah, it’s hard to convince anyone else that there’s another way that could be successful, even if it hasn’t been fully proven yet.

But the only way to prove it is to try it.

There’s a good chance that it won’t be profitable at first, because so few others are making the effort to be different. Your future clients only have one model for how to buy online — it takes time to shift the paradigm and the behaviors.

But the behaviors don’t shift if someone doesn’t start the shifting. If you constantly sell yourself short in order to sell, you are helping to keep the status quo in place.

If you don’t like scammy list building tactics, don’t use them. Don’t agree to help others use them. If you don’t like taking before-and-after photos and using sketchy hashtags to get found by the algorithm, stop it. If you don’t want to be a brand before being a person, make the decision to be a person first. Culture isn’t going to magically shift so you can start sticking to your guns. You stick to your guns and then others see that they can too — and then the culture shifts.

Be different. Be better. Be an activist and don’t give up on the dream of making a profit as well. But don’t expect that you can make a profit without agreeing to be the shift online coaching culture needs first.

It starts with you and me. It starts with different and better.

Don’t Ever Forget.

Most of adults (me included) start to think a little too much of ourselves. We begin to think we know it all, and that we have something to be proud of. While there is some truth to this, and yes some of us have gained wisdom thru the years, this can be a dangerous state of mind!

Once we think we know it all, we stop learning. We close our minds to the ideas of others, and we think young people have nothing to teach us.

I truly believe we must remain humble and open to learning from everyone we come in contact with. If we are ever going to be great at anything we must remember (never forget) where we came from.

In order to be a great teacher, you must remember what it was like to be a student. In order to be a great parent we must keep in mind what it was like to be a child. Then and only then we can be great at who we are.

All my best,

Roy

The Hula Hoop Effect on Heart, Minds and Bodies by Hoola instructor & life coach Dottie Woods

Hula Hoops have been around since the Egyptians time, children used to make hoops out of willow. Hundreds of years later the hula hoop still occupies a popular place within our society, and at the moment is having a revival like in the 1950’s.

As an Oncology and Bereavement Counsellor, I had been searching for a low impact fun activity that I could recommend to my clients for gentle exercise. I researched different Hula Hoop training providers and decided to go with ‘Globe Fit’, a Hampshire based innovative company that is run by Hannah Murphy, an expert in hooping.

What I didn’t realise was the impact that a simple children’s toy would have on my clients self-esteem and body confidence, or that ‘The American Council for Fitness’ has now shown that hooping can decrease tummy fat, the supporting data showed that waist circumference decreased by 3.4cm. On top of that Canadas University of Waterloo Spine Biomechanics Laboratory has now confirmed that regular Power hooping causes the waist to shrink, one interpretation is that the visceral fat that is located deep in the abdomen decreases. This led me on a mission for the past two years to find out more about this simple circular magical object.

My clients would quickly learn to master a hula hoop in one session. Dropping the hoops would be met with whoops of joy and laughter, a sound that many had not experienced in possibly months. For that moment, the fear and difficulties they had faced were suspended in time, they were in the moment, in the flow, protected in their circle. Cecelia Carly, from Harlem who is blind, suffers from brain and bowel cancer says that Hula Hooping ‘frees her mind and helps her melt stress away’

Flow is a work that is associated with hula hooping time and time again, psychologist Csilszentmihalyi has developed a theory based on Flow. He believes that being in flow can enhance positive feelings and keep concerns at bay whilst in flow. Being in the flow is relaxing and effortless, it’s when time stands still just concentrating on the task at hand, gardening, reading, singing and dancing are often times we are in flow.

It is better to look suffering straight in the eye, acknowledge and respect it’s presence, and then get busy as soon as possible focusing on things we choose to focus on.” – Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi

Breath is so vital to our lives and often forgotten until we can hardly breathe through fear or pain. Panic attacks are frightening and debilitating and cause very real symptoms such a shortness of breath, racing hearts and your body may go into ‘Panic Mode’ and release adrenaline, known as the fight or flight response. If you are suffering from panic attacks, anxiety or stress, it’s very important to go to your GP to seek medical advice and psychological support. “Breathing in, I calm body and mind. Breathing out, I smile. Dwelling in the present moment I know this is the only moment.” – Thich Nhat Hanh

The World Health Organisation says that depression is a common mental disorder. Globally, more than 350 million people of all ages suffer from depression. It also states that there are effective treatments. Robergs and Roberts (1997) define fitness as: ‘A state of well-being that provides optimal performance’.

For some inside a hoop is a safe haven, boundaries are intact and nothing can reach them, the calming, rhythmic motions can slow destressed breathing and relax anxious bodies. Therapy has shown that you can use a virtual hula hoop to work with addictions by using the hoop as a barrier and being inside the magic circle installs a feeling of safety. Pia Mellody, Senior Clinical Advisor at the Meadows says ‘ I invite clients to stand in their ‘circle of excellence and imagine themselves looking their personal best, using appropriate language and then stepping out with confidence and a strong sense of self awareness. Pia gives workshops on Hula Hoop therapy all around the world.

Hula Hooping has given many of my clients a sense of accomplishment, discipline to practice and an ability to set and achieve realistic goals. By learning a new skill, dropping the hoop and picking it up – they feel empowered to try new things and not be afraid of failing. Letting go and realizing that we can’t control the hoop but by using slow, gentle movement we can teach our bodies to slow down and be gentle with ourselves. As with hooping and life we have to take small steps, first to keep the hoop up or with life baby steps in the right direction to change our moods from despair into hope. Significant health benefits can be gained by including 30 minutes of moderate activity on most, if not all, days of the week (Department of health 2004)

Mindfulness and Meditation has been scientifically proven to lower stress and anxiety, brain scans have shown that it works. Along with recognized yoga therapy and tai chi, hula hooping is a moving meditation, focusing on your mind and body. You become more aware of your body, getting to know it, being content that your body is capable of more than you imagined. . Dr Alan Cohen says that when people get depressed or anxious, they often feel they’re not in control of their lives. ‘Exercise gives them back control of their bodies and this is often the first step to feeling in control of other events’ (NHS Choices, Mood Zone)

Whilst hooping using positive affirmations or intentions can help us be mindful, writing your own affirmation is extremely empowering or I use music therapy tracks to up lift and inspire. ‘I am in my circle of happiness, calm and at peace, this moment in time is mine’ – DottieMaria

The power of meditation, flow, body awareness, mindfulness, movement, exercise, music can all be found in this simple magic circle of joy, why not give it a twirl or two!

For more information or workshops please contact me on dottiewoods@aol.com, 07791492223. – Dottie Maria Woods, Person Centred Counsellor ‘Hooping4Happiness’

WonderfulLifeConsultancy.weebly.com.